Saturday, May 14, 2011
Some of them...
What do people see...when they see me?
Truly?
I'd like to be in their heads only once, to know what it is that goes through several people's minds once they #1 first see me, #2 get to know me and then form an opinion of me #3 when they have never met me but know me and see me but perhaps have or have not yet formed an opinion of me.
I hate exposing my deepest thoughts and who I truly am to a lot of people, because that vulnerability comes right BACK.
And if you know me well you know I fucking hate that feeling.
Anyways, nothing scares me, or surprises me...unless it is really unexpected from people you don't expect it.
Happens every now and again to some...in my life, more often than I would like to admit.
I know so many people it gets hard to discern at times.
I am great at picking up on people's personalities and technically "feeling" people!
Sometimes it gets impossible to do so. But why do I allow people to do that to ME or try to analyze me and get in so damn easily?
Even those who don't truly "speak" to me but...talk with their eyes, somehow find their way in. Even without any damn words.
Again the question....how...the fuck....do I let that shit happen?
I am done putting up walls, absolutely done. Even because I am tough enough to automatically block that without getting hurt. But then again every once in a while...here...strolls along...someone or another and slips right through the cracks.
Must have been when I was asleep. I swear...cause my guard is never down, I've built a damn fort.
So quit making your way in if you don't want to stay.
Don't get comfortable slipping through the cracks...and slippin' and sliding wherever you want. After all that should be a crime.
If you got through, congratulations...now instead of hiding so you can "slip and slide" fucking own up and make your way to the top. Don't be a time wasting, free riding....free loading of my thoughts and feelings.
That just makes you a fucking asshole.
I understand that sometimes to stay away is preventing trouble, and boy do I know that...it's like preaching to the Preacher. But reality is, now and again ...the moment comes when you see my face again. And then what? Are you gonna hide and pretend you can't see? Bullshit cause we all know you can.
Gonna go back home and pretend you don't remember the face you saw or think about the same face? While you get distracted what whatever you WISH would work out for you but...we all know in a few years...just won't change.
Nothing really can fix it. If it hasn't changed by now...no miracle...no change...no new "life", nothing.
The bottom line to this ...as I get side tracked is...wake up, there are people out there that aren't judging you. Who are feeling it through your eyes, how tired you are and how blend you feel life has been these days.
But back to me...whatever it is people believe or think I am...I might just be the opposite.
I am a friend, I am a vixen...I am a mom....I am a flirt...I am everything you want me to be...BUT what you think I should be.
Don't underestimate me, don't take me for granted. Don't assume things.
I am everything but...a piece of meat.
Don't use me....don't abuse me...
Don't try to...
God, do I like to cover many topics in one blog? YES I do. But I haven't said anything for a few months now. Figured it was about time to stop staring at that blank page again, which I was stuck with a few months ago.
I am sure you remember that if you follow my blogs at all.
Just too many things brewing in my head...and boy do they need OUT!
<3
