Friday, March 25, 2011
Surrounded...but yet alone.
It is not the first time I write about this.
And it probably won't be the last. The incredible feeling of segregation, separation...discrimination...just the feeling of being left out really overcomes me some days.
It has nothing to do with race, status, religion or anything of the sort actually it is just this extreme feeling I have that some people just do not want to tell me certain things...or involve me in certain things and they like to keep me in the dark for two reasons: #1 they are afraid I will say something and that will be true and that will keep them from doing whatever or it will change their mind...or #2 they are afraid I, as a person will steal their spotlight.
Really? That is just rude and mean to say the least.
I am so damn tired of being used by almost every freakin' person I try to get to know and be nice to. But yet they don't think it hurts me.
I rely a lot on my longtime friends but most of them aren't near me, not near enough for comfort.
Then when some people wonder why I no longer go out and just simply socialize like I once did...well here's your reason.
People use me!
News Flash ...I am a person, I have a heart, I am rather kind, I love helping, I am always rooting for my friends and hoping they have and achieve their goals and accomplish everything they want and dream, shit I am the #1 person to be there to help you however I can to get where you need...ya know?
I just fucking hate when they take me for granted...
I also hate when the fact that I am who I am...as a whole, personality, looks, brains, heart...whatever makes a person... gets left in the dark because they fear I will come in and take it all away from them.
You know...I am rather accomplished, I do not need to take anything away from anyone, nor their moment, not their spotlight, nor their opportunities, nothing...
I know how to get my own, and I am satisfied....I've got plenty as is, the rest that comes my way are my lucky rolling rocks that are washed up my feet as I stroll through life.
And how blessed am I for having those things happening to me. Perhaps I am just not selfish, and when I tell someone I am happy for them and I am thrilled they have accomplished something amazing ...I have peace of mind that I am truly feeling happy for them without jealousy, anger, envy or hate in the background of an empty statement.
It makes no sense to me why someone would tell you something nice and wish something nice onto you and deep inside in their hearts they are bursting with jealousy and hate and envy for things that happen in your life.
Why would anyone be that selfish? Perhaps it's time they get out there and start betting harder, risking more...getting out of the safe zone.
After all that's how I've always lived my life...and that's how my entire life amazing things have happened to me, along with terrible ones also but then again...when you weigh the pros and cons...
GOOD wins!
So please, whoever is listening out there...I am genuine. I can't lie.
I am a terrible liar. Just ask anyone around me.
If I tell you I am happy for you, it means I am....If I am with you anywhere and you are afraid that my outgoing personality will take anything away from you, please...don't worry. I have enough sense to know that it is YOUR moment to shine and I would want nothing else than to see you smile.
Contrary to other people, seeing my "friends", acquaintances and family succeed truly makes me happy.
So don't be afraid to share something with me, tell me something, ask me something, or take me along...I promise you I will be the first person to share the happy moments with you and hope and pray that your best moment shines through and that things you've always wanted to happen to you....DO happen and nothing will make me smile wider than to see that happening to the ones I love.
<3
Now I can take a deep breath!
