Surrounded...but yet alone.

It is not the first time I write about this.
And it probably won't be the last. The incredible feeling of segregation, separation...discrimination...just the feeling of being left out really overcomes me some days.


It has nothing to do with race, status, religion or anything of the sort actually it is just this extreme  feeling I have that some people just do not want to tell me certain things...or involve me in certain things and they like to keep me in the dark for two reasons: #1 they are afraid I will say something and that will be true and that will keep them from doing whatever or it will change their mind...or #2 they are afraid I, as a person will steal their spotlight.


Really? That is just rude and mean to say the least.
I am so damn tired of being used by almost every freakin' person I try to get to know and be nice to.  But yet they don't think it hurts me.
I rely a lot on my longtime friends but most of them aren't near me, not near enough for comfort.
Then when some people wonder why I no longer go out and just simply socialize like I once did...well here's your reason.


People use me!
News Flash ...I am a person, I have a heart, I am rather kind, I love helping, I am always rooting for my friends and hoping they have and achieve their goals and accomplish everything they want and dream, shit I am the #1 person to be there to help you however I can to get where you need...ya know? 
I just fucking hate when they take me for granted...


I also hate when the fact that I am who I am...as a whole, personality, looks, brains, heart...whatever makes a person... gets left in the dark because they fear I will come in and take it all away from them.
You know...I am rather accomplished, I do not need to take anything away from anyone, nor their moment, not their spotlight, nor their opportunities, nothing...


I know how to get my own, and I am satisfied....I've got plenty as is, the rest that comes my way are my lucky rolling rocks that are washed up my feet as I stroll through life.
And how blessed am I for having those things happening to me. Perhaps I am just not selfish, and when I tell someone I am happy for them and I am thrilled they have accomplished something amazing ...I have peace of mind that I am truly feeling happy for them without jealousy, anger, envy or hate in the background of an empty statement.
It makes no sense to me why someone would tell you something nice and wish something nice onto you and deep inside in their hearts they are bursting with jealousy and hate and envy for things that happen in your life.


Why would anyone be that selfish? Perhaps it's time they get out there and start betting harder, risking more...getting out of the safe zone.
After all that's how I've always lived my life...and that's how my entire life amazing things have happened to me, along with terrible ones also but then again...when you weigh the pros and cons...
GOOD wins! 


So please, whoever is listening out there...I am genuine. I can't lie.
I am a terrible liar. Just ask anyone around me.
If I tell you I am happy for you, it means I am....If I am with you anywhere and you are afraid that my outgoing personality will take anything away from you, please...don't worry. I have enough sense to know that it is YOUR moment to shine and I would want nothing else than to see you smile.


Contrary to other people, seeing my "friends", acquaintances and family succeed truly makes me happy.
So don't be afraid to share something with me, tell me something, ask me something, or take me along...I promise you I will be the first person to share the happy moments with you and hope and pray that your best moment shines through and that things you've always wanted to happen to you....DO happen and nothing will make me smile wider than to see that happening to the ones I love.


<3
Now I can take a deep breath! 

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A SLICE OF LEMON...

I often rant on my blogs etc, but this time I decided to pass on something that concerns an issue that was unheard of to me, until today. Coincidence or not I decided to pass this on because I find this a HUGE risk factor.


Let me start by, today my family and I went out for a celebration at a restaurant and upon having water brought in to our table my mother noticed a simple slice of lemon already IN the water. That is when she told me, please ask the server to bring me another glass and with a fresh cut lemon in front of us.
I asked why...since that seemed strange to me and I knew to drink my water that way almost every time.


That is when instead of thinking that was another one of my mother's antics she then informed me of a VERY sad occurrence.
She told me a story related to that which made me RETHINK the way I will handle lemon and lime from now on in my life.
Not too long after that, we got home...and then while going through my e-mails my FATHER who is currently bed ridden and quadriplegic due to a very SUDDEN happening last year (mind you this happened within a matter of 3 days when he was perfectly healthy and all of a sudden ended up in the ICU for 94 days in a coma and upon waking he was quadriplegic and now recovering) either way back to the email he sent me that related the following:


" Please read this and pass it on to whoever you may know, considering I have fallen ill and until this day it is not known to us the true reason why I have initially fallen ill this serves as an alert that may save lives as I would not wish upon anyone to be in my situation or to end up dead in the worst case scenario"


Coincidentally the e-mail related to me the very same story my mother told me earlier today. But before I get to the story I asked her how she knew about this...she then told me she had learned about the story a while back while she was away through a friend. That being, she could not have possibly received the same e-mail my father forwarded me today.


Here is the story, specially if you are at the bars every night or have your drink often outside of your home...even IN your home and even your water with a hint of that lemon! 
Please pay close attention and pass this blog message to WHOEVER you know who might find this useful.


" Lemon in your cup, alert your brothers, sisters, children, parents and friends...everyone. DO NOT keep sliced lemon around anywhere, including in the fridge.


Michelle Martins C. Muniz Physical Therapist Dermato Functional Dr. (<--- The person who wrote the e-mail) 
I come through this e-mail to inform you of a disaster that unfortunately took place within my family.
I traveled with my brother last New Year's Eve (2010/2011). On Saturday 01/04/11 we went to a bar called IBIZA where a lot of beautiful young people were having fun and the environment was amazing.
Sunday morning my brother woke up with strong abdominal pain, high fever and muscular spasms. Immediately I knew that wasn't normal so I took him to the local hospital (H.S.I) since we were vacationing, a lot of exams, 4 days admitted to the hospital, I thought the Doctor's already knew what had affected him but were just speculating further therefore they were not yet telling me.


They brought up the suspicion of Salmonella, which I immediately knew couldn't have been since we had only had food at the vacation home and I was aware of the preparation.
On 01/08/11 unfortunately my brother passed away.
Since the Doctor's hadn't yet given us the full diagnosis I then got on the phone and contacted my attorney, who then called the hospital.
Then quite quickly we were able to have a meeting with the Hospital's Director.
To our surprise, this was the case: many bars and restaurants will serve their beverages from water, to soda, to beer specially the long neck types... and drinks with sliced lemons for that "special touch". 
It was then that I decided to begin researching on my own as to what it could have been other than Salmonella. 
Since I have a close friend who is also a biologist at the University that helped get to the bottom of my research faster.
Although breweries and beer labels and companies do not tell you or publish this type of research, the problem lies within the lemon slices that are not utilized as soon as they are cut.
Sometimes, in most cases they are sliced before the bars or restaurants even OPEN in the afternoon or morning and lasting through the days and nights...
The citric acid when in contact with the preservatives and stabilizers of the beer are basically a "paradise" of breeding grounds for the micro organisms already existing in the beer ( Sacarovictus Coccus Cevabacillus ativus) becoming then a lethal poison of the "draft" type.
The result is the production of an organism completely toxic to our body.
And my only suggestion is that you kindly ask your bartender or server to please slice the lemon in front of you and possibly wash the lemon prior to slicing. As long as you may watch the lemon being sliced and freshly in front of you.
This is meant to do nothing more than alert the population and prevent further intoxications and possibly death.
Help me save other lives since I was not able to help save my own brother's and pass this information on."


And that was the end of the e-mail.
Besides sadness that comes with the e-mail I am now aware of something that I can help others, specially my booze loving friends and family prevent in the near future. Do the same and please pass this on.
Give them the link to this blog entry of mine and alert whoever you may find needs to hear this.


Now I will get going...and never keeping sliced lemons in the fridge along with asking for freshly sliced lemons in front of me next time.


<3 

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What to call them.

Often I could even say I am definitely part of the craziness, however in a totally different light...even from the inside I KNOW I am not comparable.
All anyone has to do is take a good look at me and spend longer than 10 minutes having a serious conversation with me they will know the difference.
Even the glow in my eyes, (when they are not glassy) can probably tell.


If you consider the fact that I am often stalked and harassed myself by the very same breed people perhaps would try to throw me in with...I can certainly tell you. 
God...I'd off myself if only I acted like any of the individuals who are in need of serious psychiatric help like some of them.
Here's my own definitions list.


- Psychologically damaged individuals with no life who prefer to dream about relationships they cannot attain with people they have never spent longer than 5 minutes with, within the 5 which they were seriously stalking and staring speechless while secretly hating the significant others of the ones they are in platonic love with.


- Psych Ward Material = Whom have chased not only those individuals but others who have absolutely NOTHING to do with the people they were originally stalking, but for no apparent reason they feel the need to bother, harass, threaten AND even impersonate others in order to try and be "out to get them". Unsuccessfully.


- Overweight, unsuccessful between early and late 20's females who have not succeeded in anything in life and feel tremendous rejection from the outside world, therefore they must get cooped up inside chasing every move and moment of people they will never be friends, acquainted or close to...EVER...because living a dream is easier than facing real life which would include: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE, GO WORK OUT and lose the weight that drags you behind, SOCIALIZE WITH REAL PEOPLE other than those who apparently look the same as you and spend every hour of every day plotting on how to stalk a band, get a JOB...and when you DO make sure you don't spend every dollar of your paycheck on merch.


- Crazy Twats who prefer to not only stalk the BAND but also every living human being in their family and crew who breathes the same air they do, in a desperate attempt to feel so much closer to the people they desire so. Idealistically creating a perfect world where all of them live and socialize daily, and people are perfect living human beings who never get sick, fart, shit, stink NOR look like hell when they wake up, or FIGHT or are crabby assholes from time to time who don't give a shit and actually LAUGH at many of the fatass losers standing outside the bus. (can you say: Living in a dream bubble?) 
Holy SHIT wake the fuck up! 


I could go on and on and on....but mostly that is what I know from what I have personally seen.
Now let me tell ya about the kinds I deal with.


I get stalked, threatened, harassed and looked at with stink faces all the time anonymously OR even publicly by people who somehow are tyrants against the fact that I particularly do not like to mix up with the rest of them, nor be seen with them, nor be categorized as them because clearly I am of a different tribe.
So they feel the need to go ahead and try with all their might do something within their so thought "power" to destroy me as an individual.
Insert in the background: *Evil Laugh MUAHAHAHA we are going to take over the world! And destroy the good looking chick who doesn't mix with the rest of us because we are bat shit crazy!  MUAHAHHA! 


Somehow I am not sure, but I've been told my looks play a part on why I get the hate, my personality does also...why? NO IDEA.
Why would people who do not even KNOW ME...or the little least bit about me go ahead and hate me soooo damn much?
Is it because I tell them the truth?


I was just told last year at a concert, someone in particular "Enjoyed hanging out with me at a concert because they would get attention because of my presence there!" 
REALLY? ...REALLY? ...does it ever occur to anyone I am no special, nor more special than anyone else? And that I do not want to be USED as a passport of some kind, specially somewhere I am literally NOT special at all and could care less weather I get stared at or not...since I am there purely and solely to have a good time, and listen to long amazing guitar solos that musically fulfill my musical taste.


So in unison LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE CRAZY ASS MOTHERFUCKING BITCHES!
And along with that...quit stalking people who don't give a fuck about your existence, and OH quit thinking you're so damn special ...because...i have news for you.
NO ONE IS...


and to me...not even the ones on stage are THAT special.
Humans are humans,....and treated like so in my world.
I don't give a shit if you're Jesus...I won't treat you any more special than I treat anyone around me.
THAT being said...
I am done.


And I said...good day.
Now go ahead and think whatever the fuck you want about me...cause I REALLY...don't give a shit.
I am who I am...and I will NEVER change...no matter who you are. ...





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C...D...O...?

YES!!!
Ladies & Gentleman...I HAVE OCD!
I know...to many of you that may come out as a shock "Really? OCD? Who would have thought!"...and to most of you who already know me...you're like "Oh Heeeeeeellllll No! OCD is a mild term for your sickness girl!" If you're either of the above, you might wanna bear with me through this posting!

So when people describe OCD they mostly like to categorize that as a sickness of some kind, or perhaps a mental disorder...or even you as being "weird"!
Hmmm Really?
I AM SORRY I LOATHE BACTERIA...DIRT....DUST...AND DISORGANIZATION!
As should YOU, but then...who am I to tell anyone what to do?
I've heard it all..."Bacteria is good for you...there are certain germs that benefit you!!!"
REALLY? The only two types of germ and bacteria I will ever let in my humble abode re: #1 WHEAT GERM and LACTOBACILLUS ACIDOPHILUS! If you don't know what the latter means just google it!
So, if you're coming to my house be ready to remove your shoes, pay attention to detail while eating (even in the kitchen!) cause my ass is NOT gonna be scrubbing the floor and picking up your crumbs because you don't know how to keep your food in the plate! I already have one child and a husband to clean after!
You might get terrified when I oh so suddenly bust out the vacuum cleaner or a rag and wipe something in front of you. Don't worry, you may not have been the cause of the dirt specs...I might have just seen something that went unnoticed when I cleaned the whole house before you got here!

YES I organize things by sizes and colors, I even sharpen CRAYONS because they are uneven in the box! And of course I also color coordinate the crayons after that when I put them away.
A lil' much? Yes...I've heard it all "Monk".."weirdo"...whatever!
MAYBE!...But, at least when people walk into my house they can SIT DOWN without having a WIG stick to their butts, or gather 1000 crumbs all over them. They have clean cups to drink off of, clean toilets to sit on, clean floors where they can walk barefoot and feel a LOT more comfortable than in their tight shoes, they will be glad to eat the meal I prepare because they know my cooking surfaces are disinfected and they also wont have to worry about getting chemical contamination of any kind with BLEACH or harsh chemicals because I clean my house with ORGANIC products!

So there...which party are you on? The judgmental one that will crucify me for being too clean and organized? Or the "I endorse you're behavior" party?
Either party you join...be aware that when you come to my house you should feel comfortable...but when I go to your house...I might...JUST MIGHT bring my carpet shampooer over...or pull out your vacuum and start cleaning!

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A "pity tip"

Ok, so apparently there are more people interested in knowing what goes on in my daily life than my mother and nosey haters!
So in celebration to that I decided to take a hint from my dear friends and BLOG.
Wow...what else right?
And thanks to my friend "Tree" (@Lyrical_Gangsta , follow her now!) I figured today I would talk about "pity tips".

Have you ever been a victim of "pity tipping"? And what I mean by that is you go out and your server at the restaurant you are dining in is so busted, ugly, sad, unfortunate, unhappy, jacked up or anything that makes them look absolutely MISERABLE that you can't help but feel compelled to help them out!
And when I say miserable I mean...miserable in life, or in their jobs and they are really working that job because they have like 25G's in student loans and credit cards and with too many shoes in the closet and a newborn baby out of wedlock waiting to be fed at home?
Or perhaps they were just born so unfortunetely ugly you actually feel bad for them?
Well...I am not Miss USA here but some days I would like to feel good about myself and say "Hey ...at least I don't look like THAT!"

Well last night my family and I went to our favorite Mexican Restaurant (VIVA LA RAZA! WOOT! <-- no I am NOT Mexican, nor am I Latin...I just figured I would support the Latinos whose great culture does help make this country what it is ...GREAT!)...anyways, we we're doing just great with the whole routine 1st Buss Boy brings chips and salsa, 2nd comes server and asks "Would you like anything to drink?"
All was well, until I decided to actually look at my server and answer his question!!!
I swear to you I have never...EVER....EVER in my lifetime seen a person as cross eyed as he was.
He was so cross eyed that when he asked ME if I wanted anything to drink...I almost wanted to make sure he wasn't asking my husband!
I automatically felt every single BAD feeling someone can possibly feel in life upon looking at him...among those: guilt (for being born with straight eyes!), shame (because I couldn't look at him!), pity...OH PITY...you consume ME!
I am a sucker for people with issues...but I have only ONE problem...I can't be smooth about it. Like... I really really CAN'T!
I was praying he wouldn't stick around long before I decided to ask how HARD it was to carry the trays and walk the line? Goodness forbid he was ever caught drunk driving...HOW could a police officer EVER EVER EVER have the heart to issue him a ticket if he can't walk a straight line? Or drive straight? ... above all...can he even DRIVE?
Anyways...after dinner...I was rummaging through my wallet with a collection of singles (NO I AM NOT A STRIPPER I just apparently collect a lot of change!)...and upon looking at a 28 dollar check...I felt obliged to leave more than the required tip...so, instead of pulling out my average $3 dollar singles and droppin' it on the table,...I pulled 5!
YES! An extra 2 dollars. Did he deserve it? Maybe not any more than any other server working that night, but then again...HE WAS CROSS EYED.
When I got in the car and told my husband what I did...he just about cried laughing...
My answer was: "Well...maybe I won't feel so bad if I try and justify the tip with anything other than his cross eyed-ness, he DID bring one of our drinks on top of his head...so let's believe the extra 2 were for the trick!"
And that was THAT.

Then today I thought to myself, if every single table he serves feels the same way I do, he can quite possibly be the best payed server in the whole VALLEY!
KUDOS to you cross-eyed server...you probably have a bigger house and a better car than we do by now.

<3 Thank you for taking the time!

PS: Comments are WELCOME, suggestions are welcome and Topic Suggestions also!

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